you know the drill.

Black and curly in 3rd stall.

Just stoppit already, we don't get your point but it's time to move on. I lack energy to raise more of a ruckus today.

The Workpoo Guide

Not completely relevant, but related to bathroom etiquette at work so thought it was worth a posting:

THE WORKPOO GUIDE

CROP DUSTING

When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.

FLY BY

The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooing. Walk in and check for other pooers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

ESCAPEE

A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poo in a cubicle. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved. Making a joke or laughing makes both parties feel uneasy.

JAILBREAK

When forcing a poo, several farts slip out at a machine gun pace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhoea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the cubicle until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH

The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poo hits the water. This reduces the amount of airtime the poo has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME. (yep..guilty)

WALK OF SHAME

Walking from the cubicle, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOER

A colleague who poos at work and is proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet pooer enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under his or her arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooer before entering the bathroom.

THE POOING FRIENDS NETWORK (P.F.N)

A group of co-workers who band together to ensure emergency pooing goes off without incident. This group can help you to monitor the whereabouts of Out Of The Closet Pooers, and identify SAFE HAVENS.

SAFE HAVENS

A seldom-used bathroom somewhere in the building where you can least expect visitors. Try floors that are predominantly of the opposite sex. This will reduce the odds of a pooer of your sex entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR

Someone who does not realise that you are in the cubicle and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poo at work. If this occurs, remain in the cubicle until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH

A phoney cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a cubicle. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE

A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a cubicle. This will remove all doubt that the cubicle is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooer can poo in peace.

WATERMELON

A poo that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

HAVANAOMELET

A case of diarrhoea that creates a series of loud splashes in the toilet water. Often accompanied by an Escapee. Try using a Camo-Cough with an Astaire.

UNCLE TED

A bathroom user who seems to linger around forever. Could spend extended lengths of time in front of the mirror or sitting on the pot. An Uncle Ted makes it difficult to relax while on the crapper, as you should always wait to poo when the bathroom is empty. This benefits you as well as the other bathroom attendees.

c'mon... when the governor is here even?!!

4th stall, piss all over the seat. WET piss. I'd suggest it was actually sprayed on by one of our visitors because we have been fairly TTS-free for the last couple weeks. But this is a repeat offense, and I kinda feel like it was one of us. Maybe the culprit is secretly proud of their artwork and wanted to show off for the occasion. Gross, dude.

I think I'm going to print up signs to post in each stall. I've always wanted a laminator and that would be a great excuse to buy. "The bathrooms at work needed official-looking anti-piss posters."

to whom it may concern.

If you're gonna shit, please be considerate and flush. K2 employees do not live in barns which would lead me to believe we were in fact potty trained.

que triste.

I am sad. Stall 1 was so tried and true for me, even deemed "Alexis' Stall" by Melissa. Always so bright and clean and welcoming, a place to really relax!

Well, yesterday there was dried something-or-other on the seat, I honestly didn't know what to do. so I did stall 2 and it just wasn't the same................

harry and the hendersons

stall 2 and three might have been visited by harry. he is shedding.

panama and PHS

Several incidents of TTS seen in Panama. Especially noticeable in Soma's internet house. Shiny tile floors either equal high-sheen polish OR piss all over the floors. According to my nose, it was the latter.

Stay home if you favor sanitation.